Just got off the phone with matt. I told him that I have tried to find three consecutive weeks that Matthew can come visit, but there aren't any. I told him that the best I could do (between camps and school) is July 18- Aug 2. School starts a week from then.
He was not happy that Matthew couldn't stay longer. He wasn't too rude. He also wasn't rude last week when he called. That's what makes me nervous. He always pulls something about this time: telling me that he is going to take me to court for full custody of Matthew.
He was telling me that he could only see Matthew in the summer and that I wouldn't let him go to school out there with him. I confirmed that I wasn't going to let Matthew go to school out in Arkansas. I suggested that he come see Matthew every other month or so for a weekend, that Matthew would love it. He said that he didn't have the money.
So far, he told me that he'd meet me in Little Rock on July 18th at 3:00pm and again on August 2 about the same time. We'll see what happens.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
Update
In the car after Boy Scouts, Matthew asked me if I called Matt. I said yes. He said "Okay." That was it. He didn't ask about anything else.
I asked my sister (before I left to go pick up Matthew) if I should say anything or ask him if he wanted to go to Matt's during Spring Break -- she said no. She said that I should let Matthew ask if he wanted to ask.
I wonder what'll happen next. I know Matt is mad, as usual.
I asked my sister (before I left to go pick up Matthew) if I should say anything or ask him if he wanted to go to Matt's during Spring Break -- she said no. She said that I should let Matthew ask if he wanted to ask.
I wonder what'll happen next. I know Matt is mad, as usual.
Ack...
I'm trying to be a good mom. Matthew asked me to call Matt and tell him when he was out for Spring Break. I said, "Matthew, wouldn't you like to call and tell him yourself?" He said no. He asked me again to do it today.
Against my better judgment, I called Matt and said, "Matthew asked me to call you and tell you when his Spring Break was. It's the third week in March." Matt said, "Well, are you going to bring him out to see me?" I said that I wasn't planning on it, besides he didn't ask. (The rule of thumb is if he wants Matthew, he picks him up and when I'm ready to get him back, I drive out there.) He said something along the lines of me bringing Matthew out to Little Rock and I said, "Look -- Matthew asked me to call you so I did." Matt then said that I need to bring him out to Little Rock to see him and that he knew I had money because I just cashed a check for his disability. I said once again, "Matthew asked me to call and let you know and that's what I'm doing. You are more than welcome to come out and see him during his Spring Break." He went on to say something about he had "responsibility" and he couldn't come out and he went on and I said, "All I'm supposed to do is tell you" and then I hung up.
I walked away to write this up and he called twice consecutively. I didn't answer. I did what I was asked to do.
What I didn't tell him is that Matthew didn't even want to tell him himself.
Against my better judgment, I called Matt and said, "Matthew asked me to call you and tell you when his Spring Break was. It's the third week in March." Matt said, "Well, are you going to bring him out to see me?" I said that I wasn't planning on it, besides he didn't ask. (The rule of thumb is if he wants Matthew, he picks him up and when I'm ready to get him back, I drive out there.) He said something along the lines of me bringing Matthew out to Little Rock and I said, "Look -- Matthew asked me to call you so I did." Matt then said that I need to bring him out to Little Rock to see him and that he knew I had money because I just cashed a check for his disability. I said once again, "Matthew asked me to call and let you know and that's what I'm doing. You are more than welcome to come out and see him during his Spring Break." He went on to say something about he had "responsibility" and he couldn't come out and he went on and I said, "All I'm supposed to do is tell you" and then I hung up.
I walked away to write this up and he called twice consecutively. I didn't answer. I did what I was asked to do.
What I didn't tell him is that Matthew didn't even want to tell him himself.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Puropse
The purpose of this is for accountability. The purpose of this is for truth. The purpose of this is for consistency. The purpose of this is for a record.
I have an ex-husband that drives me nuts some days. (It's usually just the days he calls me.)
He called again. Again he asked me when I was going to close the child support case that is open in California. I've moved back to Tennessee, but I can have my case where ever I want it. I chose to leave it in California because they have their fingers in his pockets, so to speak. His pockets are empty, but California is consistent with sending him letters and frequently calling him on the phone as a not-so-gentle reminder of his unpaid child support.
He threatens to take custody from me. That annoys me. That upsets me.
I talked to "Bob" from the Arkansas Department of Social Security and Disability on February 10, 2010. I was assured that this one-time payment and the subsequent very small monthly payments are NOT considered child support. Bob told me that Matt had to contact California and have California contact the AR Dept of SS and Disability to figure out if his backpay for disability and subsequent small monthly payments of $140 would count towards the $252 a month that he has been ordered by Shelby County Courts to pay. Bob also told me that it is not unheard of for the State to reevaluate child support payments and possibly lower them. (I am to a point that I really don't care anymore. It's a matter of principal, of commitment, of support. Apparently, it's more like a moot point.)
This all started in 1999. Matt has never actually paid child support consistently. It has been garnished from his wages, taken by a third-party that guaranteed its results (and later told me that I had a lost cause and suggested that I not to use their services anymore), and intercepted by the IRS. I believe that I have received maybe ONE personal check and four or five money orders from Matt. There was a brief time when he actually had a job working for Comcast and the monthly amount was deducted from his paycheck every two weeks. I believe he worked for Comcast about 1 1.2 years.
Today, Matt called me and told me that I had told him that I would close the child support case in California once I received the backpay for his disability payments. I temporarily lost control of my tongue and told him: "Maybe in Mattland you thought I was going to close the case, but in real life, I will never close the case. This is what you were told to pay in 1999 and it is the same amount today."
I am proud to report that I did not raise my voice during this whole conversation that took place in two parts because he hung up on me.
I kept my voice calm and polite despite my aggravation. I simply said that I was not ever going to close the account. He told me that he talked to a supervisor "in high rank" in California and they were going to send me a certified letter telling me that I had three months to move or close the account. I told Matt that legally, I could keep my account where ever I'd like. I could have it in Alaska if I wanted. I also told him that legally, California could not close the account without my signature. The order is set in Tennessee and currently resides in California. He became upset, raising his voice, interrupting me, and then hung up.
When he called back less than a minute later, I answered sweetly. He asked me if I was ready to listen. I told him that I have always listened to him except when he yells, threatens, and cusses at me.
He told me that the child support case was being closed and since he is caught up in his child support now, he will enough money to hire an attorney and get custody. Then he hung up... again.
Every spring, he calls me up and demands to have visitation for the whole summer break. Every spring, I try to explain why I am saying no, but he doesn't listen.
I have talked with my family and close friends and I have reluctantly decided that Matt can come to Memphis and visit this year for two weeks -- or even every weekend. I am concerned that each time he has visitation at his house, it is easier for him to keep my (our) son. The court orders are for "reasonable and liberal visitation".
There have been summers when Matt has promised to bring my son home after two weeks of visitation, and then Matt calls me the morning of the day he was supposed to drive back and says: "He's having car problems." "I can drive because I'm on disability." "It's snowing outside." "She (wife) has to work and I can't bring my other kids on the drive." "I've decided that I want to keep him here with me longer than what we agreed upon." --Take your pick.
I am so tired of this. Truly, I am.
I have an ex-husband that drives me nuts some days. (It's usually just the days he calls me.)
He called again. Again he asked me when I was going to close the child support case that is open in California. I've moved back to Tennessee, but I can have my case where ever I want it. I chose to leave it in California because they have their fingers in his pockets, so to speak. His pockets are empty, but California is consistent with sending him letters and frequently calling him on the phone as a not-so-gentle reminder of his unpaid child support.
He threatens to take custody from me. That annoys me. That upsets me.
I talked to "Bob" from the Arkansas Department of Social Security and Disability on February 10, 2010. I was assured that this one-time payment and the subsequent very small monthly payments are NOT considered child support. Bob told me that Matt had to contact California and have California contact the AR Dept of SS and Disability to figure out if his backpay for disability and subsequent small monthly payments of $140 would count towards the $252 a month that he has been ordered by Shelby County Courts to pay. Bob also told me that it is not unheard of for the State to reevaluate child support payments and possibly lower them. (I am to a point that I really don't care anymore. It's a matter of principal, of commitment, of support. Apparently, it's more like a moot point.)
This all started in 1999. Matt has never actually paid child support consistently. It has been garnished from his wages, taken by a third-party that guaranteed its results (and later told me that I had a lost cause and suggested that I not to use their services anymore), and intercepted by the IRS. I believe that I have received maybe ONE personal check and four or five money orders from Matt. There was a brief time when he actually had a job working for Comcast and the monthly amount was deducted from his paycheck every two weeks. I believe he worked for Comcast about 1 1.2 years.
Today, Matt called me and told me that I had told him that I would close the child support case in California once I received the backpay for his disability payments. I temporarily lost control of my tongue and told him: "Maybe in Mattland you thought I was going to close the case, but in real life, I will never close the case. This is what you were told to pay in 1999 and it is the same amount today."
I am proud to report that I did not raise my voice during this whole conversation that took place in two parts because he hung up on me.
I kept my voice calm and polite despite my aggravation. I simply said that I was not ever going to close the account. He told me that he talked to a supervisor "in high rank" in California and they were going to send me a certified letter telling me that I had three months to move or close the account. I told Matt that legally, I could keep my account where ever I'd like. I could have it in Alaska if I wanted. I also told him that legally, California could not close the account without my signature. The order is set in Tennessee and currently resides in California. He became upset, raising his voice, interrupting me, and then hung up.
When he called back less than a minute later, I answered sweetly. He asked me if I was ready to listen. I told him that I have always listened to him except when he yells, threatens, and cusses at me.
He told me that the child support case was being closed and since he is caught up in his child support now, he will enough money to hire an attorney and get custody. Then he hung up... again.
Every spring, he calls me up and demands to have visitation for the whole summer break. Every spring, I try to explain why I am saying no, but he doesn't listen.
I have talked with my family and close friends and I have reluctantly decided that Matt can come to Memphis and visit this year for two weeks -- or even every weekend. I am concerned that each time he has visitation at his house, it is easier for him to keep my (our) son. The court orders are for "reasonable and liberal visitation".
There have been summers when Matt has promised to bring my son home after two weeks of visitation, and then Matt calls me the morning of the day he was supposed to drive back and says: "He's having car problems." "I can drive because I'm on disability." "It's snowing outside." "She (wife) has to work and I can't bring my other kids on the drive." "I've decided that I want to keep him here with me longer than what we agreed upon." --Take your pick.
I am so tired of this. Truly, I am.
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