The purpose of this is for accountability. The purpose of this is for truth. The purpose of this is for consistency. The purpose of this is for a record.
I have an ex-husband that drives me nuts some days. (It's usually just the days he calls me.)
He called again. Again he asked me when I was going to close the child support case that is open in California. I've moved back to Tennessee, but I can have my case where ever I want it. I chose to leave it in California because they have their fingers in his pockets, so to speak. His pockets are empty, but California is consistent with sending him letters and frequently calling him on the phone as a not-so-gentle reminder of his unpaid child support.
He threatens to take custody from me. That annoys me. That upsets me.
I talked to "Bob" from the Arkansas Department of Social Security and Disability on February 10, 2010. I was assured that this one-time payment and the subsequent very small monthly payments are NOT considered child support. Bob told me that Matt had to contact California and have California contact the AR Dept of SS and Disability to figure out if his backpay for disability and subsequent small monthly payments of $140 would count towards the $252 a month that he has been ordered by Shelby County Courts to pay. Bob also told me that it is not unheard of for the State to reevaluate child support payments and possibly lower them. (I am to a point that I really don't care anymore. It's a matter of principal, of commitment, of support. Apparently, it's more like a moot point.)
This all started in 1999. Matt has never actually paid child support consistently. It has been garnished from his wages, taken by a third-party that guaranteed its results (and later told me that I had a lost cause and suggested that I not to use their services anymore), and intercepted by the IRS. I believe that I have received maybe ONE personal check and four or five money orders from Matt. There was a brief time when he actually had a job working for Comcast and the monthly amount was deducted from his paycheck every two weeks. I believe he worked for Comcast about 1 1.2 years.
Today, Matt called me and told me that I had told him that I would close the child support case in California once I received the backpay for his disability payments. I temporarily lost control of my tongue and told him: "Maybe in Mattland you thought I was going to close the case, but in real life, I will never close the case. This is what you were told to pay in 1999 and it is the same amount today."
I am proud to report that I did not raise my voice during this whole conversation that took place in two parts because he hung up on me.
I kept my voice calm and polite despite my aggravation. I simply said that I was not ever going to close the account. He told me that he talked to a supervisor "in high rank" in California and they were going to send me a certified letter telling me that I had three months to move or close the account. I told Matt that legally, I could keep my account where ever I'd like. I could have it in Alaska if I wanted. I also told him that legally, California could not close the account without my signature. The order is set in Tennessee and currently resides in California. He became upset, raising his voice, interrupting me, and then hung up.
When he called back less than a minute later, I answered sweetly. He asked me if I was ready to listen. I told him that I have always listened to him except when he yells, threatens, and cusses at me.
He told me that the child support case was being closed and since he is caught up in his child support now, he will enough money to hire an attorney and get custody. Then he hung up... again.
Every spring, he calls me up and demands to have visitation for the whole summer break. Every spring, I try to explain why I am saying no, but he doesn't listen.
I have talked with my family and close friends and I have reluctantly decided that Matt can come to Memphis and visit this year for two weeks -- or even every weekend. I am concerned that each time he has visitation at his house, it is easier for him to keep my (our) son. The court orders are for "reasonable and liberal visitation".
There have been summers when Matt has promised to bring my son home after two weeks of visitation, and then Matt calls me the morning of the day he was supposed to drive back and says: "He's having car problems." "I can drive because I'm on disability." "It's snowing outside." "She (wife) has to work and I can't bring my other kids on the drive." "I've decided that I want to keep him here with me longer than what we agreed upon." --Take your pick.
I am so tired of this. Truly, I am.
